Fine Dining

Here's an article about food glorious food from the ST forum:

Cheesed off by encounter at Italian restaurant

THERE is an old saying that the customer is always right. But it seems this rule is not for Pasta Fresca, an Italian restaurant along Bukit Timah Road.

My wife and I were there on July 17 and, among other things, we ordered mozzarella cheese and a $59 bottle of Chianti. The cheese was tasteless, hard and rubbery. When I pointed this out to the waitress, she responded: 'Would you like some salt and pepper on it?'

When the manageress came to our table, she asked: 'Is this the first time you have had mozzarella cheese?... It comes from Italy. The owner is Italian. You have offended the chef.'
When the wine arrived it was freezing cold. When I questioned this, saying red wine should be served at room temperature, the manageress said: 'We keep the wine in the wine cooler because wine does not keep well in Singapore's climate.'

She walked away when I said: 'You mean to say that every restaurant and wine store in Singapore has to keep red wine refrigerated?'
I put the mozzarella aside. When it came time to settle up, I told the manageress that I would not pay for it as a matter of principle.

That drew another barrage of insults: 'If you do not have the money I will pay it out of my own pocket. You have obviously never had 'original' mozzarella cheese before. You must normally eat in hawker centres so you can't know what original mozzarella cheese tastes like. You should keep to hawker centres... Can I have a photo so that I will recognise you if you ever come back?'
When she returned with the bill the charge for the mozzarella cheese was deducted, but as a parting gesture she threw it on the table.
As a world traveller, I do know something about international cuisine...

blah blah blah blah

...My wife and I regularly go to some of the best restaurants in Singapore. Rarely have we had cause to complain but when we had a minor problem, it was always politely and quietly dealt with, as one would expect in this highly sophisticated country.
Our evening at Pasta Fresca was certainly an original experience! What a disservice to Singapore.

ALAN SHADRAKE

(Source: The Straits Times, 30th July 2004)

My oh my! Fine dining! Finally something of interest in our nation's press. Fine dining in Pasta Fresca! Ma ma mia! Does the regal SIR Alan Shadrake knows that Pasta Freca doesn't really count as fine dining in the dictionary of stuffy nose aristocrats? If you expect fine dining, spend more money and eat at Casta Roma jerk.

Goodness me, you say your mozzarella cheese is tasteless? It is tasteless you idiot. MOZZARELLA IS MILD FLAVOURED, Sir Alan. Thank goodness the chef did not come out to whack you with his utensils. And are you expecting Pasta Fresca to serve you super grade mozzarella???

And my dear Sir Alan, if you were at a place of fine dining (or if you are really that 'expert'), cheese would never have been recommended with your $59 Chianto (yes, you had to state the price and name of the wine to show off did you?). RED WINE DOESN'T GO WITH CHEESE. It would probably kill off any flavour the cheese had.

Finally, you are indeed correct, Sir Alan. Wine must be stored at room temperature, but THE STATED TEMPERATURE HAPPENS TO BE THE 'ROOM TEMPERATURE' IN TEMPERATE COUNTRIES. Hmmzzz, is Singapore a temperate country?

Yes! The customer is always right! You are right Sir Alan! I shall kneel down and kiss your foot now! No wonder the manageress was making fun of you, dick.

Ligaments

I have been confined to my bed again, this time, I seem to have torn some ligaments on my left ankle. In Championship Manager terms, Attacking goalkeeper U Sucks is out for 3 months after suffering from a torn ankle ligament. I was dribbling past everyone (teammates and opponents) before I was tackled by myself, twisting my ankle.

 

Being the usual optimistic me, I started to wonder: "What does this mean for me?" Here are teh answers:

1. More time to post rubbish here.

2. God likes me cos he decided to give me this injury just before school reopens. No need to attend school, life is good.

3. God has decided to punish me for using my virtuoso talent to strike a innocent gal on her head

4. He punished me by smiting my left leg, therefore I will still be able to strike innocent gals on their heads in the future.

5. Conclusion: God likes me.

Room in my Heart

Oh no, am I going to do a motivational and gratifying article about how fuzzy wuzzy I feel deep down inside? NO!
 
This article is about Channel 8's latest offering, 'Room in my Heart'. I got a chance to catch a glimpse of it when I was lazing around back at home, and that particular scene caused me to ran into my room and had an elliptic fit. Yes, it was that bad...
 
Channel 8 sure likes to make fit inducing local dramas. They have topped the cake this time with 'Room in my Heart'. The particular scene which I saw featured Pierre Png, Fiona Xie and Belinda Lee. Now not only have they decided to use the 2 of the best Ang Moh Kangtangs in Mediacorps to act in a CHINESE drama, they also ingeniously employed former-VJ (don't worry she played chinese songs) Belinda Lee, who happens to have the acting skills of an embalmed corpse (not that the other 2 actors/actresses are any better).
 
Now the negative vibes from the scene was so bad that I couldn't make out what they were talking about, but I believe they were having a meal at the dining table and having a friendly chat with one another. Here's how it went:

Fiona Xie (enters the room): *Act cute* *talk in ang moh slang*
Pierre Png (Sitting on chair): *Constipated expression* *Tries hard to say out his lines in chinese but only manages to sound like a whiny brat*
Belinda Lee (Sitting on a chair): *Embalmed corpse* *Talks like she has Pierre Png's constipation*
And this goes on and on...

This combination managed to keep me spellbound for about 2 minutes before I felt a sudden urge to vomit. I then tried very hard to surgically remove my brain and erase any trace of this scene from it. Realising that I coundn't do so, I ran into my room but the shock of it all managed to get me into a foam inducing elliptic fit. Man, I thought I had rabies.
 
I would like to thank Mediacorps for providing such quality programmes for the masses. Cheers! 

Life Sucks and then U Die Theme Song

Every self respecting icon got to have a theme song, so my website presents to you:

I LOVE DEATH

 

This song originated from Finland (what else can you do on an island?) and is played by a band called Lodger (comprising of sick individuals). As one of my chummies put it: 'It makes me love it and give up on humanity at the same time.'

 

Here it is, click on the link to watch the fantastic music video about life:

http://koti.welho.com/alaari/lodger/

(Flash player needed, go download it yourself arse)

 

Warning: Decadent western practices shown in the video. Chaste and innocent people should not click on the lick, lest you be smited by whatever diety you believe in.

 

Feeling western and decadent? Visit http://www.lodger.tv

Mass Destruction

Whether long range weapon or suicide bomber
Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether you're soar away sun or BBC 1
Misinformation is a weapon of mass destruction
You could be a Caucasian or a poor Asian
Racism is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether inflation or globalisation
Fear is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether Halliburton or Enron or anyone
Greed is a weapon of mass destruction
We need to find courage, overcome
Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction

My dad came into my room holding his hat
I knew he was leaving,
he sat on my bed told me some facts, son.
I have a duty, calling on me
You and your sister be brave my little soldier
And don't forget all I told ya
Your the mister of the house now remember this
And when you wake up in the morning give ya momma a kiss
Then I had to say goodbye

In the morning woke momma with a kiss on each eyelid,
Even though I'm only a kid
Certain things can't be hid
Momma grabbed me
Held me like I was made of gold
But left her inner stories untold
I said, momma it will be alright
When daddy comes home, tonight

My story stops here, lets be clear
This scenario is happening everywhere
And you ain't going to nirvana or farvana
You're coming right back here to live out your karma
With even more drama than previously, seriously
Just how many centuries have we been
waiting for someone else to make us free
And we refuse to see
That people overseas suffer just like we
Bad leadership and ego's unfettered and free
Who feed on the people they're supposed to lead
I don't need good people to pray and wait
For the lord to make it all straight
There's only now, do it right.
Cos I don't want your daddy, leaving home tonight

(source: lyrics from 'Mass Destruction', single from faithless, out now)

A pretty lame musical effort from Faithless, but what thay lack they make up for it with the superb lyrics from Maxi Jazz (although a bit cliche, it attacks the heart).

How many more suicide bombers have to die, how many more soldiers have to die, how many more innocent people have to die? And what about the families of those who have perished? How many daddies have left their family behind?

We need to find courage, overcome
Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction

Bend it like Beckham U Sucks

Read this piece of news from our local trashy tabloid:

Soccer: Hosts Malaysia beat Singapore 2-0 in friendly
By Jose Raymond, TODAY

KUALA LUMPUR : If only Tan Kim Leng had kept his head, with just three minutes to go in the first-half.

Instead, the firebrand got himself sent off in the 42nd minute and Singapore lost all hope of avenging the infamous "Kallang massacre".

Playing Malaysia for the first time since their humiliating 2002 Tiger Cup 4-0 defeat, the Lions, down to 10 men, went down 2-0 in Kuala Lumpur last night.

When referee Waiyabot Anucha awarded a free-kick to the home side just outside the Singapore penalty box just before the break, an incensed Tan ran towards the official and had attempted to kick the ball in his direction.

It hit team-mate Aide Iskandar instead, but the intent was good enough for the man in black to brandish the red card at the Tampines Rovers midfielder.

While there were no complaints with that decision, the Thai referee certainly incurred the wrath of the visitors, after he continuously awarded free-kicks and made some questionable decisions throughout the match...

...In the dying minutes, the Malaysians counter-attacked and scored through their chief striker Akmal Rizal.

Avramovic said: "We were without one player from the 42nd minute and we managed to hold on for so long.

"Despite the loss, I am happy with the attitude of my players and the way they played in this match. You could see that they wanted to win it."

Defender Daniel Bennett summed it up best, when he said: "It could have been a different story if we had 11 men on the pitch.

"We played well but still lost 2-0. Singaporeans back home will just look at the scoreline and remember that." - TODAY

Now as you can see, poor ol' Tan Kim Leng got sent off because he could not juggle his balls and lost his cool. He probably deserved a red card but I'm a strong believer of anger therapy; since he has lost his head, it would be most apt to let off steam on someone. Of course the most appropriate person to vent his anger on would be the referee. That's where the problem comes in:

When referee Waiyabot Anucha awarded a free-kick to the home side just outside the Singapore penalty box just before the break, an incensed Tan ran towards the official and had attempted to kick the ball in his direction.

It hit team-mate Aide Iskandar instead, but the intent was good enough for the man in black to brandish the red card at the Tampines Rovers midfielder.

Straightaway, you will know that Mr Tan has inferior ball kicking skills. It is so obvious that he should have sent a deadly banana curler shot past his unfortunate teammate in the way to whack the referee hard on the head. That would have allowed Mr Tan to let off some steam and he wouldn't have gotten a red card since the referee would be concussed

Oh wait that seem to have reminded me of a particular situation that I was involved in just a few days ago... hmmzzzz... Perhaps Tan Kim Leng should be introduced to me so that he can pick up a trick or two from me. If his shots are half as good as mine, Singapore will be winning World Cups by now.

Prof (NS) Tan

While trying to erase away the bad memories of NS from my life, I found myself unable to forget a particular character from that horrible phase of my life, no matter how hard I try.
This person, Sgt Tan, was a person who struck fear into countless hapless recruits during Basic Military Training. He was able to induce pants-pissing, blood churning and murtabak vomitting from a bunch of shell-shocked mamma boys (yes dat includes me, I love my mommy). Although he was responsible for making me question whether there was any difference between him and the devil, he did managed to bring some joy and laughter into my life (meaning I'm as sick and demented as him).

My fellow platoon mates use to call him Tan (Something in Hokkien). Now that ****er was a real joker. Not only is he able to scream 'Knock it down!!!' in rapid succession, he was also able to spout out words of wisdom while doing so. There was one incident where a particular loser recruit who was always getting us into trouble had the guts to repeatedly fidget when we were standing at attention. (Something in Hokkien) promptly went over to him and started him giving him hell. After knocking him down several times, (Something in Hokkien) gave up and decided it was good to insult that person's intellect (or what was left of it). I apologise if I sound pretty incoherent but this post is all about this punchline:

'Do you want Professor Tan to prove to you that the muscles on your arms are directly connected to your brain?'

Not funny you might say, but it got a whole group of recruits standing at attention to risk certain death and start laughing. Yes, we laughed like we were possessed. For that, I give this (Something in Hokkien) the sicko and not funny punchline award.

This is not the only time he decided to spout out his words of wisdom. More will come once I get over the pains of remembering this incident...

1984 (Part 2)

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
(Source: '1984' George Orwell)

Think hard about these sentences. These are the party slogans for INGSOC, the totalitarian 'government' featured in the book. Think hard about the world you are in right now, does the slogans reflect on current affairs?'

WAR IS PEACE...the brand of amity brought on by the red, white and blue. The relentless urge to use force to strike down your enemies. In the context of the book, war was a way to cripple the economy and subjugate the citizens of your own country. Does it apply to our world?

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY...the country was founded on the principal that the primary role of the government is to protect property from the majority, and so it remains... THINK...slavery is freedom...THINK...I rest my case.

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH...propaganda and the manipulation of information (in the book, the history of the world can be changed by the party in an instance), yes, ignorance is strength, but strength for whom?

So there you have it, this article is meant to get that rusty brain of yours thinking. Even if you're not into current affairs and politics, its good to laugh at the fallacy that we live in. This article was never intended to start you screaming out 'Where are our billions and billions of dollars?' and acting like a character right out of les miserables (the musical). Yes, we have other lunatics doing that for us.

Snot on my Feet

How wonderfully poetic, let's see the newspaper article:

Nose-picker in train dropped filth on my foot

After boarding an MRT train at Yio Chu Kang station at about 8am on June 25, I suddenly felt something wet on my foot.

When I looked down, I was shocked and disgusted to see someone's nasal mucus on my foot.

I identified the culprit as a man in his mid-20s who, in anti-social disregard for hygiene, was unashamedly digging into his nose in full view of other passengers on the train.

This filthy act occured as the train was leaving Ang Mo Kio station.

Although I was infuriated and felt sick, I decided not to confront the man and possibly become embroiled in an ugly scene.

I immediately cleaned up using tissue paper and headed for the toilet in the station to wash up as soon as I had alighted at my stop.

The nauseating creature had already alighted at Braddell station.

-Sherryn Lim
(sourced from STREATS, Wednesday june 30th, 2004)

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! Brilliant essay Ms Lim, are you writing this for your Pri 6 English assignment? Why the heck would it take you several sentences to convey the message of your anguish and pain? Let me teach you how to do it: ARGHHH!!! ERGHHHHH!!!! BLEAHHHHH!!!!! That's exactly what I'm doing after reading your letter. Thanks for wasting my time on this totally dreary piece of your lifestory that the trashy tabloid published with no apparent respect for the intellectuals out there (yes there are actually people out there with a brain).

Now you probably need some psychotherapy after this horrendous incident. Since I'm filling spiffy today, I will try to provide you with a solution to your predicament should you encounter it again:

I recommend the 'eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth' approach (patented by yours truly). He threw some snot at you, fine, just dig your nose a bit and build up a big piece of snot. Walk up to him and apply the snot on him with your fingers. There you have it, simple stuff, much better than your 'oh i don't want to make a scene' pansy wansy action, no need to get pissed off and then write a yucky letter to the press.

And please, go take a course on creative writing or something...